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Via JezebelJill Scott relays the pain:.

I want a white woman to have affair with

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister.

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Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. Was I jealous?

I want a white woman to have affair with

Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist I want a white woman to have affair with separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household.

I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded.

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We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely aant do with the African story in America.

All of which is true and holds weight.

But I think the key problem here is a common one--a kind of collectivist approach toward something as individual and private as marriage. The point about "African people worldwide" is a tip off.

Now I ride for my folks, but we certainly are no more "welcoming and open-minded" than any aa group of people.

‘They called her a n***er lover’: Ireland’s interracial couples

There is certainly part of me that feels my partnership with a black woman says something about me. But I vacillate on precisely what. The problem is that no committed person goes whire bed with black spouse or a white spouse.

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They go to bed with someone who does, or doesn't, think it's a bad idea to blow the rent-check on school clothes. They go to bed with someone who does, or doesn't, think it's a priority to keep the living room clean.

They go to be bed with someone who does, or doesn't, want children. Now it's true that she's black. Again, I'm not trying to demean my folks.

But we often take this abstract, hazy view of an institution that, like anything else worthwhile, is mostly about dirt, work and tedium. Womann are not anymore, at least a collectivist act.

They really come down to two individuals doing business in ways that we will never be privy to.

White people, only dating black people is not progressive - it’s racist - Rife Magazine

Writing about this has helped me get clearer and clearer on this. To be blunt--I think people who spend their time stressing about the DNA admixture in other people's relationship need to give some thought to boundaries.

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It's petty gossip masquerading as social commentary, and unbecoming of a "welcoming and open-minded" people. By her own reckoning Jill Scott's friend is "new. He could have a trail of Horney housewives Forestville momma's from Oakland to Kansas City.

But whit matters isn't what Scott doesn't know, but what she thinks she does--that he's African People.

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As much as my own limitations allow, I sympathize whiet race and the constructions of beauty standards, just like I sympathize with race and its effects on the justice system. But at some point brothers have to stop reeling off stats about college and prison, and resolve to be something more.

We all have a moment, as black people, where we have to stop the process of bemoaning what the world thinks of us, and start asserting that which we think of ourselves. There is no other way.

Women in Black & White Survey – Leslie Morgan Steiner

Forgive me, if that sounds hectoring. I've met very few if any black women who need a lecture on asserting themselves. Which is why I find this constant "plight of the black woman" bit bewildering. It's as if all our complainers, all our naysayers, all our insecurities got together and went into journalism.

What the hell is going on? Ta-Nehisi Coates is a national correspondent for The Atlanticwhere he writes about culture, politics, and social issues.